Breakups are brutal. Especially when you are the one who wants to make the relationship work. I decided to write this post after getting a message from my cousin sister. She wrote that she is “depressed” because she just broke up with her boyfriend. During summer she visited me from America and that was a perfect timing for her to come down because I had recently broken up. My sister couldn’t sleep that night and she wanted to know how I dealt with my breakup.
I could write a thousand things here and tell you what to do and what not to do but that wouldn’t be right because everybody has their own way of grieving. Instead I’m just going to tell you what I did and how I dealt with my breakup and if you think by doing these things you’ll feel better then please go ahead and give it a shot.
Right after breaking up I see a lot of people who get determined to get the revenge body. They hit the gym and sweat it all out. That has never been the case with me. I enter a shell where all I want to do do lie on my bed, find solace in food, watch television and just cry endlessly. Not only was I heartbroken after the breakup but I lost the will to pick myself up and get back to being the person that I was. I lost confidence in myself and I just let myself lose. I believe in healing rather than going for a rebound relationship. So I let myself be the way I wanted to be. I grieved all year in my own way. I stopped visiting the places where we had gone together, I deleted his number from my contacts but there wouldn’t be a single day when I wouldn’t think about him. So after lying on the bed, eating a lot of junk, watching TV and crying my eyes out for months, I knew this had to end. I couldn’t possibly lead my life like this. I’m someone who repeats that it’s ‘one life only’ and I couldn’t be doing this to myself so I took small steps to recovery.
Also read – 5 Signs That Indicate You Need to Move On
Since my cousin came to meet me at the right time, I travelled with her. I went to the hills, to the beach and a lot other exciting places. It wasn’t that I forgot him when I was travelling. I didn’t. But I tried moving on with my life without him being in it. I explored new places, went dancing and made new memories. After I got back from the vacation. Obviously I was having major withdrawal symptoms and also what you call a ‘vacation hangover‘. So the next thing I started doing was watching Ted Talk on YouTube. I saw people talk about how to move on, how to be confident, how to get over a heartbreak etc. These videos inspired me immensely. I could see myself in these people who spoke about their experiences and that’s when I realised that I’m not the only one dealing with a breakup! It happens to everyone and you have to find a way to come out of it. I continued watching a lot of inspirational videos on YouTube. After I watched almost over a hundred videos, I read the book – The Secret. If you haven’t read the book, it’s about how everything you think and wish for actually comes true because the universe works on your wish and makes it happen. Trust me, all this made me much better. I was moving from a dark place to light where things did seem to be bright.
The next thing I did was started talking about what was bothering me. I irritated the hell out of my best friends telling them what could have gone wrong and how things would be different had I not raised my concerns and then asked them questions on why did he have to leave etc. Your best friends know you and they will always be by your side and give you the right advice. My friends heard me for weeks and not once did they complain. Their support made me better than before and gave me a third person’s perspective to probably what went wrong.
The fourth and the last thing that I did was forgive myself and forgive him for walking out on me. I was beating myself up with the things that I shouldn’t have said that probably made him walk away. But then I realised that there would be no meaning to what we had and it is always best to know that you are on the same page. So I forgave myself. I forgave him for not staying in my life and for not putting up a fight to be with me. I don’t know his side of the story and never will but probably he had reasons best known to him.
Today, after practicing all of the above things for months I am much better. I still cry when I see his pictures or remember something that he used to say. I don’t know where I read this but I read this thing that said “You have a lot of love to give and when the person you want to give it to isn’t with you, this love takes the form of tears and fall down from your eyes.” I truly believe in this and somewhere I’ve made peace with the fact that he isn’t coming back and also that I don’t want him back because I carry him in my heart with me. He will always be in some corner of my heart that will keep aching and reminding me of him till the time I am with someone who mends all the hurt.
Long story short, here’s the advice I gave to my cousin sister.
She said she was guilty of breaking up with him and she hurt him
You have to remember that when a relationship breaks it’s not just one person who gets hurt. Both of them hurt. Yes the intensity of the hurt varies but both people are in pain. In some way you both have disappointed each other for the relationship to break.
She couldn’t sleep at night because she kept thinking about him
Well, that’s going to happen a lot and there is nothing that you can do about. Tire yourself during the day so that the minute you see the bed you just crash or chant! I used to chant a lot and still do when I am tensed or I start doubting myself. Whichever super power or God you believe in, remember them. Pray. He is going to get you through this. The last thing I told her was to forgive him for disappointing her and not being there for her when she needed him the most and forgive herself for not knowing before that he wasn’t the right one for her.
If you too are dealing with a breakup right now then I truly hope that you hurt less and become the person that you were before meeting the man or woman who broke you.
Also read – Letting go (Of Yourself!)